"Idol/Getting out there!"

You are reading about the next "American Idol"!! Okay well not really, actually I am just the "West Jordan/Jordan Hills Idol" You see, there is this girl at school that teaches fourth grade, her name is Tiffany. She really wants to be BFF's with Tawnya and I, but we are working up to that part. So two Saturdays ago, we hung out together which made us "F's", a.k.a. Friends, but then she invited us to a Karaoke party on Friday where I was crowned the "Idol" of the night. It was so much fun, so needless to say, we are now "BF's" with Tiffany.

On Saturday I went to a movie night at friends house. He is from my ward and we watched "Ghostbusters". Apparently there is more than one because we watched the first one and I only knew about the second one. Anyway, it was pretty fun because the girl to guy ratio was great. there were three of us girls and eight guys. One girl and one guy were a couple, but it was fun just to sit and talk to everyone after the movie. We totally talked about the awkward moments at the end of dates and what guys and girls mean when they end the date. From guys, a hand shake is obviously a "no chance at a second date". Apparently, it is the girls responsibility to hug the guy if she is interested in another date, and never go 100% on a kiss, it is always 90/10, but you can decide who does which part.

The guys are going shooting this Saturday and invited all three of us girls to go with them. I think it could be fun, so I will probably go with them.

A Better Me!

I was talking to my mom the other day, when she told me she read my blog and was sad for me and my sad life. I decided I should probably write again since I am not sad (anymore) and am actually very happy. Two weeks ago I found out I did not get into any grad schools I applied to. It was the BEST news I had gotten in a long time. I realized I never wanted to be a school psychologist. I was doing it because I thought that is what I was supposed to do, or because I thought that is what others thought I should do. Since I have made the theme of this year "All About ME!" I was glad one decision was easy for me. I can't go to grad school cause I didn't get in. :)
I called my parents and said I have some great news, and that was that I didn't get into grad school. Wahoo! My dad was a bit confused as to why, but I know why, I am not supposed to go. It has changed my outlook on life a ton and it is totally looking up! I have a new apartment, my own room, another roommate, and one more thing I am looking into, but not sure about yet, so I will blog about that later. What a blast!
Yesterday, Tawnya and I watched the first session of General Conference and then met Jessica at the library to do our taxes. (not a good year for me!) Then we watched the second session. We realized we had no big plans for the evening, so we went to Lifetime and worked out. We ran for a half hour and then went and relaxed in the pool and hot tub. It was the most relaxing time I've had in a while. Last we watched Felicity (an old TV show, Tawnya has on DVD), but mostly I watched and Tawnya slept. It was a pretty great day!

A New Month

I can't believe it has almost been a month since I last blogged. Lately I have been feeling like my life isn't worth talking about. I have been feeling like it really doesn't matter what I do, where I go, or when I do it. These thoughts have been leaving me feeling empty inside all the time. Having the background I do, leads me to believe that marriage and/or education, (mostly marriage), are the only things that make your life complete and worth while. I know this is not the case, but the pressure of making others happy, which is a huge, either weakness or blessing I have. (I can't seem to find a happy medium which makes it a weakness for me). There are only about four people in my life that I really care about their opinions, even though I like to make everyone happy, which may make me happy, but in the long run it is not what I want. This has been a struggle for me for a long time, and it has made it so it is hard for me to know what I really want.

Another thing that I struggle with, is doing something I will actually be good at because I am worried that someone will take offense that I am good at what I do. However, I was watching a movie last week named Coach Carter, and in it he kept repeating to one of the players, "What is your deepest fear?" Well the quote from that movie, I think, describes how I feel.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our dark that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
This has brought a lot of thought to my mind on this subject and I realize I need to be less prideful and just work on my happiness. I need to stop thinking the world is always looking at me and what I am doing, but focus on what I am doing and be happy. I need to stop worrying about everyone's opinions and the other four people's opinions I need to take them for what they are worth and focus on what my Heavenly Father wants for me and what makes me happy.

Now for the important stuff. I know I am a child of God! I was put on this earth at this time to shine and help others shine too. I love my family, extended family, and my un-adopted family. They are the most important people in my life. I miss being around them, but I know I am supposed to be in Utah right now, cause I have received that confirmation many times. I like my job and who I work with and maybe I will find something better in the future but right now I am happy with it. (Even if I am only a janitor) :)